93 – Am I a Bad Person? (Moral Scrupulosity OCD)

In this episode, Amanda and Kyle dive into moral scrupulosity OCD and how it has shaped Amanda’s life. She shares openly about the intense anxiety and compulsive behaviors she developed growing up in a high-control religious environment under Bill Gothard’s IBLP cult. These patterns looked like “perfectionism” on the surface but were actually rooted in fear, uncertainty, and shame. 

Amanda discusses the research connecting high-control religion to obsessive-compulsive symptoms and explains how scrupulosity didn’t disappear when she left the belief system, it just changed form. Today, it shows up in relationships, conflict, and her own internal self-perception. She talks through the coping strategies she uses now, the progress she’s making in therapy, and what healing looks like in real time. 

This episode is an honest, thoughtful conversation about anxiety, identity, and the leftover rules your brain keeps long after you’ve left a cult or high control religion behind.