The Cult I Left Behind
Newly-ish married couple, Amanda and Kyle, discuss Amanda’s upbringing in the IBLP cult of Duggar infamy – a story Kyle learns about along with listeners. Through sometimes humorous, sometimes heartbreaking stories, Amanda and Kyle explore the cult’s ideology, the strange rules that surrounded Amanda’s childhood, and the abuse she endured before leaving the cult. Through it all, they talk about what it takes to break free from a cult and what gets left behind.
Episodes
56 episodes
54 - Be Fruitful and Multiply...Like, a Lot
Amanda and Kyle discuss the IBLP cult's stance on how a godly couple goes about family planning...or doesn't, because God will plan your family. We learn things like the role of proper music and abstinence in conception, the many "hidden design...
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Season 1
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Episode 54
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50:49
53 - The Six Purposes of Marriage: Completeness
As Kyle puts it, this episode is all about "connecting with your spouse through abstinence." Join us as we talk about Bill Gothard's view on completeness in marriage and how not eating and not having sex play a big role. We also answer some lis...
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Season 1
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Episode 53
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36:03
One Year Message from Amanda & Kyle
To celebrate the one-year anniversary of The Cult I Left Behind podcast, Amanda and Kyle share their favorite moments, favorite episodes, insights into the creation of episodes, and their deep appreciate for the community that has formed around...
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21:30
52 - The Six Purposes of Marriage: Pleasure
Let’s talk about sex…again! Amanda and Kyle talk through Bill Gothard’s teaching on pleasure in the marriage relationship. In a shocking turn of events (haha), everything revolves around the menstrual cycle. It turns out abstinence plays a big ...
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Season 1
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Episode 52
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54:59
51 - The Six Purposes of Marriage: Companionship
Did you know companionship in marriage is really about the menstrual cycle? Did you also know you’re in a covenant relationships with everyone with whom you’ve shared a meal? And that abstinence is important in marriage? Neither did we. But thi...
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Season 1
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Episode 51
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38:18
50 - The Seven Phases of a Godly Courtship Part 2
Time to wrap up how to go about courting in the holiest manner possible. Amanda tells Kyle the final steps to a godly pre-marriage relationship. Kyle is confused. We learn why Ruth is way more chaste and holy than other female Bible characters,...
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Season 1
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Episode 50
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29:18
49 - The Seven Phases of a Godly Courtship
Amanda and Kyle embark on a perilous journey through more cult ideology around dating, sex, marriage, and purity. Bill's vision (for everyone except himself and his brothers) involves some pretty steep expectations of young men that are, dare w...
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Season 1
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Episode 49
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39:48
48 - A State Prosecutor's Perspective on Amanda's Case
A special guest joins us to discuss the case against Amanda's brother. Jennifer, an Assistant District Attorney and podcast listener, prosecutes sexual assault cases in her state and has some interesting thoughts on Amanda's experience as a wit...
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Season 1
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Episode 48
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1:29:50
47 - Development of an Immoral Woman
Amanda and Kyle discuss the IBLP Advanced Seminar seven-step chart about how a woman becomes immoral. Obviously, this is all “supported” by random verses from the King James Version of the Christian Bible. So, normal cult stuff. Amanda shares h...
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Season 1
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Episode 47
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25:05
46 - Courtship and the Ten Unchangeables
The Ten Unchangeables make a reappearance in the courtship process. The IBLP Advanced Seminar Textbook lays out intense instructions for how to interrogate a potential romantic partner. Kyle is incredulous, Amanda is shocked he's still shocked ...
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Season 1
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Episode 46
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38:18
45 - Applying Levels of Friendship to Dating
In the next installment of courtship in the cult, Amanda tells Kyle all about the IBLP Basic and Advanced Training Seminar's instruction regarding the four levels of friendship and how they govern dating or courtship relationships.
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Season 1
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Episode 45
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28:17
44 - Amanda's Courtship Story
Amanda shares her own courtship experience and the ill-fated romance that followed. She explains purity culture concepts such as "giving away your heart," being a "chewed up piece of gum," and being a "trampled garden." Amanda and Kyle discuss ...
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Season 1
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Episode 44
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56:43
43 - Courtship in the Cult
A conversation Amanda has put off for a long time plays out amid trauma laughs, real laughs, and incredulity (on Kyle's part). Join us for a conversation about an IBLP cult staple: courtship. Presented as an alternative to "secular dating," c...
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Season 1
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Episode 43
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1:11:00
42 - Don't Get Locked Out
Amanda and Kyle are reunited for another episode! They answer some listener questions, then Kyle asks Amanda about something she mentioned in passing that startled him and required further investigation.
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Season 1
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Episode 42
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52:34
41 - Wisdom Booklet #1
What do Celine Dion and Wisdom Booklet #1 have in common? Well, it's all coming back to me now as Amanda and Kyle go down the rabbit hole (or up the mountain?) into the world of ATI where male supremacy makes an immediate appearance. Listen alo...
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Season 1
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Episode 41
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52:33
40 - The Music that Saved Me
In the most vulnerable episode to date, Amanda shares her songwriting diary and describes how the music helped her cope with reporting her brother, losing her biological family, going through a divorce, struggling with her mental health, and, u...
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Season 1
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Episode 40
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1:25:45
39 - The Halls of Satan
Kyle teaches Amanda about the experience of growing up in public school. It all started over a dinner date conversation that resulted in running back to the Airbnb to record Amanda's questions/shock/terror about "evil public school." The IBLP c...
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Season 1
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Episode 39
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1:16:38
38 - Q&A Session #3
Coming to you live from the middle of a cross-country move, Amanda and Kyle answer more listener questions. They discuss the impact of cults/trauma/sexual assault/sin on health, and Amanda shares how she overcame her IBLP cult-induced beliefs t...
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Season 1
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Episode 38
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35:37
37 - No Sex on Saturdays!
Thanks to some help from a listener, Amanda and Kyle finally tackle their long-awaited topic: Bill Gothard's teachings on sex rules in marriage! To absolutely nobody's surprise, the IBLP cult has a lot to say (ahem, dictate) about how married p...
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Season 1
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Episode 37
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54:24
36 - I Hate Mother's Day
In an angsty and emotional conversation, Amanda tells Kyle about the complexity of Mother's Day with an abusive mother. Amanda shares how the IBLP cult enabled parental abuse and what it’s like to cut ties with abusive parents.
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Season 1
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Episode 36
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47:20
35 - Adoption and the Sins of the Father
Amanda tells Kyle about Bill Gothard's teachings on adoption. It turns out adoption is considered a medical situation. It also turns out couples who can't have biological children shouldn't adopt because, according to Bill, God doesn't think th...
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Season 1
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Episode 35
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40:00
34 - What If I'm Weird?
Amanda and Kyle discuss what it's like to leave a cult and be that "weird" person trying to navigate the real world. Amanda shares the hurdles she faced as a weird person after leaving the IBLP cult, the process of recognizing she was different...
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Season 1
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Episode 34
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57:25
33 - Let's Talk About Sex
Amanda and Kyle respond to many listener questions about reaching a healthy sex life after experiencing sexual trauma in or outside a cult. They discuss different therapy modalities that helped Amanda heal, why females in the IBLP cult dissocia...
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Season 1
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Episode 33
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45:41
32 - But Did You Cry Out?
Amanda tells Kyle about Bill Gothard's made up "Law of Crying Out" which - surprise, surprise - places equal blame on victims and perpetrators. Amanda grew up being taught this ideology as part of ATI's educational curriculum and bought into it...
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Season 1
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Episode 32
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53:27
31 - The Military and the Cult
Amanda shares some of the most embarrassing moments from her military career. Turns out growing up in the IBLP cult means there's a lot of slang and innuendo that goes right over your head. A best practice is probably not to repeat any new phra...
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Season 1
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Episode 31
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1:11:28