The Cult I Left Behind
Newly-ish married couple, Amanda and Kyle, discuss Amanda’s upbringing in the IBLP cult of Duggar infamy – a story Kyle learns about along with listeners. Through sometimes humorous, sometimes heartbreaking stories, Amanda and Kyle explore the cult’s ideology, the strange rules that surrounded Amanda’s childhood, and the abuse she endured before leaving the cult. Through it all, they talk about what it takes to break free from a cult and what gets left behind.
Episodes
80 episodes
78 - Discipline Outside the Cult
In this companion to the earlier episode on discipline inside the cult, Amanda and Kyle shift their focus to what healthy, respectful discipline actually looks like. They reflect on what they’re learning in their adoption training classes and h...
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Season 1
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Episode 78
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46:24
77 - Unpacking the Past: Cults, Faith, and Family Truths
In this episode, Amanda and Kyle dive into listener questions about what made Amanda’s parents susceptible to joining the cult, how they became involved, how the cult accumulated massive assets, and whether Amanda’s rapist brother ever received...
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Season 1
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Episode 77
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33:56
76 - Finding Peace in Denmark: A Journey from High-Control to True Relaxation
In this episode, Amanda and Kyle share their transformative experience during a recent trip to Denmark, contrasting it with Amanda's upbringing in a high-pressure religious environment and subsequent military service. Amanda discusses how the s...
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Season 1
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Episode 76
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38:37
75 - How to Deconstruct
In this episode, Amanda and Kyle dive into the process of deconstruction—what it is, why it happens, and how it unfolds across different areas of life. From faith and identity to relationships and worldviews, they explore the key domains of dec...
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Season 1
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Episode 75
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44:22
74 - Big Changes, Listener Q&A, and Cult Realities
Some big life changes are on the horizon, and Amanda and Kyle share a bit about their next steps as a family. They also dive into listener questions, discussing the most effective therapy approaches Amanda has found, how the cult handled cases ...
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Season 1
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Episode 74
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25:26
73 - Growing Up in IBLP: A Male Survivor’s Perspective on Trauma and Healing
In this episode, we sit down with Nate, an IBLP/ATI cult survivor and trauma survivor, to unpack the deeply ingrained conditioning we experienced growing up in the cult. From childhood grooming and the loss of personal identity to the twisted t...
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Season 1
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Episode 73
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1:32:17
72 - Protecting Kids from Sexual Abuse: What Every Parent Should Know
When we think about keeping kids safe from predators, we often imagine dangers lurking in the shadows—but the reality is much harder to face. Most abuse is committed by people close to the family, making prevention both challenging and deeply p...
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Season 1
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Episode 72
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31:49
71 - Your Stories, Our Answers: Family Rejection, Advocacy, and Healing
In this episode, Amanda and Kyle tackle listener questions surrounding the impact of purity culture and sexual trauma. They dive into Sadia’s poignant voicemail, discussing how rigid purity culture affects perspectives on sex and consent, and d...
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55:41
70 - A Conversation with Cult Survivor and Author Daniella Mestyanek Young
What happens when you escape a world built on control, fear, and secrecy? How do you begin to heal after a life of indoctrination? This week, we're joined by Daniella Mestyanek Young, author, TEDx speaker, and cult survivor, to dive deep into t...
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Season 1
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Episode 70
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1:04:08
69 - Sex, Healing, and Breaking Generational Cycles
In this episode, Amanda and Kyle are joined by Marian, a sexual health and pleasure educator, for a powerful conversation about breaking cycles of shame and stigma. Marian shares her positive experience growing up in a family where vulnerabilit...
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Season 1
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Episode 69
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58:23
68 - Wrapping Up & Moving Forward
Amanda and Kyle reflect on an incredible year of connection and growth and share their heartfelt gratitude for the listeners who’ve supported the show. From messages and comments to thoughtful questions, your voices have made this journey meani...
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Season 1
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Episode 68
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11:39
67 - A Forced Apology
Amanda shares a pivotal moment from her childhood: being made to apologize to the person who raped her. She and Kyle discuss the circumstances that led to this event, the family and cult factors at play, and how the experience continues to affe...
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Season 1
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Episode 67
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31:24
66 - Defying Gravity and Cults
In this heartfelt and personal episode, Amanda opens up about the unexpected role the musical Wicked played in her journey of leaving the IBLP cult and rediscovering herself. From its powerful themes of challenging authority to embraci...
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Season 1
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Episode 66
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38:27
65 - Amanda's Post-Cult Dating Adventure
Amanda finally shares some of her dating history post-cult, pre-Kyle. Stories include the Taco Bell incident (Kyle's favorite), trad-wife-seeking encounters, insurance scammers, and that one time Amanda asked a guy out (see social media for the...
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Season 1
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Episode 65
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46:54
64 - Happy Thanksgiving & Exciting Announcement!
Join us for a quick Thanksgiving episode and special announcement! Kyle shares his family's special Thanksgiving meal tradition and Amanda shares some memories of Thanksgivings from her childhood. For all of our listeners with tough family situ...
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Season 1
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Episode 64
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10:13
63 - You Asked, We Answered
Amanda and Kyle respond to listener questions about head coverings, cult practices around the Sabbath, if Amanda thinks her boldness and intelligence caused her to be targeted for abuse as she grew up in the IBLP cult, and how Amanda thinks sex...
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Season 1
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Episode 63
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32:53
62 - Elections and Cults
What do Cabbage Patch Kids and the 2024 election in the US have in common? A lot, as it turns out. This episode was recorded in response to a poll posted on social media asking listeners to share topics they would like to hear in an episode. Am...
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Season 1
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Episode 62
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39:28
61 - Kyle and Sex
Kyle is in the hot seat sharing his background in the Christian church, his thoughts about purity culture as a young adult, and the way he handled sex and relationships as someone who attended Baptist church. Amanda learns a shocking revelation...
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Season 1
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Episode 61
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1:05:19
60 - Deconstruction
Amanda shares her deconstruction journey, which began a decade ago when she was a worship leader for a church. That was awkward. She talks through attending seminary after Bible college and her process of realizing there were aspects of Christi...
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Season 1
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Episode 60
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1:00:09
59 - The Story of Us
Following up on the marriage purposes series, Amanda and Kyle share their non-courtship story that basically ignored all of Bill's relationship guidelines. However, Kyle almost followed purity culture with room for the Holy Spirit for a whole l...
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Season 1
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Episode 59
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58:59
58 - Coming Home
Amanda flies solo for another episode. This time, she shares about her journey out of a very checked out or dissociative state and home to her own body, mind, and emotions. Amanda went on this journey as she left the cult and began abuse recove...
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Season 1
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Episode 58
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25:10
57 - On a Journey to Trust
Amanda and Kyle are joined by a special guest! Skye's story caught our attention right away—her mother, the owner of an adult toy business, sent her to a fundamentalist Christian elementary school WAIT WHAT?! The part about her mom’s business i...
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Season 1
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Episode 57
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1:17:08
56 - In Which Amanda Tries to Convince Kyle to Try Bill's Abstinence Program for Science
We reach the end of our Six Purposes of Marriage journey! Amanda and Kyle procrastinate and talk about a lot of other things, including how the violin is the most righteous instrument, before diving into Bill Gothard’s strange teachings about w...
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Season 1
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Episode 56
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39:19
55 - Protection of the...Seed?
Mothers aren't protective. Divorce taints godly seed. A woman finally matters because she made a lot of kids who went and did church work. We talk about these topics and many other confusing aspects of Bill Gothard's teachings about pure Christ...
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Season 1
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Episode 55
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37:17
54 - Be Fruitful and Multiply...Like, a Lot
Amanda and Kyle discuss the IBLP cult's stance on how a godly couple goes about family planning...or doesn't, because God will plan your family. We learn things like the role of proper music and abstinence in conception, the many "hidden design...
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Season 1
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Episode 54
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50:49