The Cult I Left Behind
Newly-ish married couple, Amanda and Kyle, discuss Amanda’s upbringing in the IBLP cult of Duggar infamy – a story Kyle learns about along with listeners. Through sometimes humorous, sometimes heartbreaking stories, Amanda and Kyle explore the cult’s ideology, the strange rules that surrounded Amanda’s childhood, and the abuse she endured before leaving the cult. Through it all, they talk about what it takes to break free from a cult and what gets left behind.
Episodes
73 episodes
71 - Your Stories, Our Answers: Family Rejection, Advocacy, and Healing
In this episode, Amanda and Kyle tackle listener questions surrounding the impact of purity culture and sexual trauma. They dive into Sadia’s poignant voicemail, discussing how rigid purity culture affects perspectives on sex and consent, and d...
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55:41
70 - A Conversation with Cult Survivor and Author Daniella Mestyanek Young
What happens when you escape a world built on control, fear, and secrecy? How do you begin to heal after a life of indoctrination? This week, we're joined by Daniella Mestyanek Young, author, TEDx speaker, and cult survivor, to dive deep into t...
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Season 1
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Episode 70
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1:04:08
69 - Sex, Healing, and Breaking Generational Cycles
In this episode, Amanda and Kyle are joined by Marian, a sexual health and pleasure educator, for a powerful conversation about breaking cycles of shame and stigma. Marian shares her positive experience growing up in a family where vulnerabilit...
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Season 1
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Episode 69
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58:23
68 - Wrapping Up & Moving Forward
Amanda and Kyle reflect on an incredible year of connection and growth and share their heartfelt gratitude for the listeners who’ve supported the show. From messages and comments to thoughtful questions, your voices have made this journey meani...
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Season 1
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Episode 68
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11:39
67 - A Forced Apology
Amanda shares a pivotal moment from her childhood: being made to apologize to the person who raped her. She and Kyle discuss the circumstances that led to this event, the family and cult factors at play, and how the experience continues to affe...
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Season 1
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Episode 67
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31:24
66 - Defying Gravity and Cults
In this heartfelt and personal episode, Amanda opens up about the unexpected role the musical Wicked played in her journey of leaving the IBLP cult and rediscovering herself. From its powerful themes of challenging authority to embraci...
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Season 1
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Episode 66
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38:27
65 - Amanda's Post-Cult Dating Adventure
Amanda finally shares some of her dating history post-cult, pre-Kyle. Stories include the Taco Bell incident (Kyle's favorite), trad-wife-seeking encounters, insurance scammers, and that one time Amanda asked a guy out (see social media for the...
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Season 1
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Episode 65
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46:54
64 - Happy Thanksgiving & Exciting Announcement!
Join us for a quick Thanksgiving episode and special announcement! Kyle shares his family's special Thanksgiving meal tradition and Amanda shares some memories of Thanksgivings from her childhood. For all of our listeners with tough family situ...
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Season 1
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Episode 64
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10:13
63 - You Asked, We Answered
Amanda and Kyle respond to listener questions about head coverings, cult practices around the Sabbath, if Amanda thinks her boldness and intelligence caused her to be targeted for abuse as she grew up in the IBLP cult, and how Amanda thinks sex...
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Season 1
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Episode 63
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32:53
62 - Elections and Cults
What do Cabbage Patch Kids and the 2024 election in the US have in common? A lot, as it turns out. This episode was recorded in response to a poll posted on social media asking listeners to share topics they would like to hear in an episode. Am...
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Season 1
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Episode 62
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39:28
61 - Kyle and Sex
Kyle is in the hot seat sharing his background in the Christian church, his thoughts about purity culture as a young adult, and the way he handled sex and relationships as someone who attended Baptist church. Amanda learns a shocking revelation...
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Season 1
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Episode 61
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1:05:19
60 - Deconstruction
Amanda shares her deconstruction journey, which began a decade ago when she was a worship leader for a church. That was awkward. She talks through attending seminary after Bible college and her process of realizing there were aspects of Christi...
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Season 1
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Episode 60
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1:00:09
59 - The Story of Us
Following up on the marriage purposes series, Amanda and Kyle share their non-courtship story that basically ignored all of Bill's relationship guidelines. However, Kyle almost followed purity culture with room for the Holy Spirit for a whole l...
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Season 1
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Episode 59
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58:59
58 - Coming Home
Amanda flies solo for another episode. This time, she shares about her journey out of a very checked out or dissociative state and home to her own body, mind, and emotions. Amanda went on this journey as she left the cult and began abuse recove...
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Season 1
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Episode 58
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25:10
57 - On a Journey to Trust
Amanda and Kyle are joined by a special guest! Skye's story caught our attention right away—her mother, the owner of an adult toy business, sent her to a fundamentalist Christian elementary school WAIT WHAT?! The part about her mom’s business i...
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Season 1
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Episode 57
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1:17:08
56 - In Which Amanda Tries to Convince Kyle to Try Bill's Abstinence Program for Science
We reach the end of our Six Purposes of Marriage journey! Amanda and Kyle procrastinate and talk about a lot of other things, including how the violin is the most righteous instrument, before diving into Bill Gothard’s strange teachings about w...
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Season 1
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Episode 56
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39:19
55 - Protection of the...Seed?
Mothers aren't protective. Divorce taints godly seed. A woman finally matters because she made a lot of kids who went and did church work. We talk about these topics and many other confusing aspects of Bill Gothard's teachings about pure Christ...
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Season 1
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Episode 55
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37:17
54 - Be Fruitful and Multiply...Like, a Lot
Amanda and Kyle discuss the IBLP cult's stance on how a godly couple goes about family planning...or doesn't, because God will plan your family. We learn things like the role of proper music and abstinence in conception, the many "hidden design...
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Season 1
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Episode 54
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50:49
53 - The Six Purposes of Marriage: Completeness
As Kyle puts it, this episode is all about "connecting with your spouse through abstinence." Join us as we talk about Bill Gothard's view on completeness in marriage and how not eating and not having sex play a big role. We also answer some lis...
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Season 1
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Episode 53
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36:03
One Year Message from Amanda & Kyle
To celebrate the one-year anniversary of The Cult I Left Behind podcast, Amanda and Kyle share their favorite moments, favorite episodes, insights into the creation of episodes, and their deep appreciate for the community that has formed around...
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21:30
52 - The Six Purposes of Marriage: Pleasure
Let’s talk about sex…again! Amanda and Kyle talk through Bill Gothard’s teaching on pleasure in the marriage relationship. In a shocking turn of events (haha), everything revolves around the menstrual cycle. It turns out abstinence plays a big ...
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Season 1
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Episode 52
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54:59
51 - The Six Purposes of Marriage: Companionship
Did you know companionship in marriage is really about the menstrual cycle? Did you also know you’re in a covenant relationships with everyone with whom you’ve shared a meal? And that abstinence is important in marriage? Neither did we. But thi...
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Season 1
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Episode 51
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38:18
50 - The Seven Phases of a Godly Courtship Part 2
Time to wrap up how to go about courting in the holiest manner possible. Amanda tells Kyle the final steps to a godly pre-marriage relationship. Kyle is confused. We learn why Ruth is way more chaste and holy than other female Bible characters,...
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Season 1
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Episode 50
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29:18
49 - The Seven Phases of a Godly Courtship
Amanda and Kyle embark on a perilous journey through more cult ideology around dating, sex, marriage, and purity. Bill's vision (for everyone except himself and his brothers) involves some pretty steep expectations of young men that are, dare w...
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Season 1
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Episode 49
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39:48
48 - A State Prosecutor's Perspective on Amanda's Case
A special guest joins us to discuss the case against Amanda's brother. Jennifer, an Assistant District Attorney and podcast listener, prosecutes sexual assault cases in her state and has some interesting thoughts on Amanda's experience as a wit...
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Season 1
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Episode 48
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1:29:50